Update - Later Oct. 24

Jennifer figured out how to lock our garage door, so now we won't need to worry about Dad getting confused and leaving at night.

Update - October 24

No luck with keeping Dad's keys over here at night. He continues to be quite disoriented off and on while recovering from the flu. Paul suggested that we use a Club to keep the car from being driven at night. We aren't sure yet how easy those are to put on and take off. We could put it on once he is in bed and take it off first thing in the morning.

Kay and I are going to start working on clearing and organizing Dad's back room to get a bed set up there. There are probably going to be more nights that we need to be over there.

Jennifer was able to get a bar that helps Dad get in and out of the tub for now. Before too long we hope to get a shower and surround in again. The bathroom cabinet and wall behind is in bad shape because of past water damage. We're hoping to do some remodeling in the bathroom. Let me know if there is anything that anybody might want to attempt or assist with. If things need done under the house, I can do simple things with very exact directions. The only part that bothers me is the closed in feeling....and this huge frog that likes to watch whatever I do down there. (one time I convinced Kayden to pick up the frog and take it to the field so it could head back to the pond......but it decided to return).

Update - October 20

On Sunday, Dad was having some pains in his shoulder and upper arm. We were concerned about his heart, but that pain subsided by afternoon. Monday morning he wasn't up when I got up at 5:30 which is really unusual. I went over to check about 6:30, and he was in bed with the flu. He was groggy and slept all day. Kay stayed with him all day, and I slept over there that night. Yesterday he was a little better and was able to drink some liquids. At 3:00 this morning I looked over to see if he was awake. His kitchen light was on, and I noticed that his outside light was on too. So I looked out front and he was trying to unlock Kay's car in the dark. When I went out to check on him, he was very confused and told me he had been out there for hours trying to get the car open. He thought that was his car and didn't know why his key didn't work. His thought was that he needed to go let Mom know that he was okay. On the way back into the house he told me that he thought there might be a broken window. He must have thought about breaking a window so he could get in. Nothing seemed familiar to him back in the house except one of his little lamps in the living room. When I showed him his bedroom, he decided he was really tired and would go to sleep. I brought his keys over here although he had no memory that the car in the garage is his. I'm going to try to convince him to let me bring his keys over here at night just to be on the safe side.

Birthday Update

Dad really enjoyed his birthday celebration. Although it is hard to identify everyone individually, he did know each person was familiar and very important to him.

He especially got a kick out of the birthday cards. I hung them all on the inside of his door so he could read them as often as he wants. The next day when I got home from school, I noticed he had found other cards, including a Christmas card from last year and Father's Day cards, and had them hung across the front of his kitchen cupboards.

Update - August 30

Dad is depending on us for much more assistance. Some things that are important to him in his daily routine are more of a challenge. He still loves to go out to bring in the mail. His mid day activity is sitting at the window to watch for the mail Jeep. At times now he will forget to get the mail or go out in the evening to check again for mail. Yesterdy he watched the entire Ted Kennedy funeral which really surprised me. It was a Mass, so I think that helped him stay focused. Last night he watched Lawrence Welk. Most weeks I try to tape it so Dad can watch it again maybe in a month or so. Last night he was telling me some things he noticed about that night's show. He asked if I had taped it because he missed when they told what year it was from. So this morning I took over the tape so he could watch it to check the year. After he watched it, he told me he had never seen that show before. At first, I thought I had taken the wrong tape over. But he described the program the same way he described it last night.

Dad can't use his computer anymore, but Kay reads him the e-mails from Dennis every once in a while. I know it is not very contemporary, but I think Dad would love to get some short letters/notes in the mail.

Update - August 4

Part of Dad's siding is cracked and a swarm of bees decided to to move in. At first, the bees were going in and out of one small opening. There would be about half a dozen at a time. But on the inside (in Dad's bedroom) we could hear them in the wall, and they sounded like a motor running. After a couple days they started coming through into Dad's bedroom. I didn't know they can eat their way in through the wallboard. Sunday we spent much of the day killing bees in the bedroom (at least 100). We found the hole where they were coming in and blocked it off. A pest control company came and sprayed on Monday. Dad still had a few bees come inside, but the noise in the wall was much less. Most of the bees are supposed to be gone in two days.

Update - July 27th

Often when Dad first gets cash from the bank, he worries that it will be stolen. So he repeatedly hides the money in a variety of places. The problem is he can't remember where it is hid. We have spent much time hunting for his money while he insists it has been taken. During the night last night he was worrying about his money, so he took it to bed with him. In the morning it was missing. When I went over first thing in the morning with coffee, he told me he had been robbed. So we spent all day hunting for the wallet and money. Tonight we finally found it. From now on Kay is going to take over keeping his cash organized......if Dad doesn't change his mind by tomorrow.

Update - July 22

Dad has been feeling sick to his stomach more often, and he has dark stools. Malox always helps so far. We're deciding if we should take him into the doctor before his next regular appointment. Tomorrow Pat will be over, so we plan to ask her medical advice.

A couple years ago Dad agreed that he was too old and sore to mow the lawn. His dementia now causes him to forget much of his recent life and picture things as they were in his younger days. (We have noticed that sometimes he uses old fashioned terms that he might have used back when we were young.) Anyway, he doesn't remember deciding he shouldn't mow. So last week he bought a lawn mower. I will be very surprised if he can get it started. So far he hasn't been able to remember where the key is although I've shown him where it hangs beside his car key several times. It's parked in his little rubbermaid unit, so I'm pretty sure he can't hurt himself in the process.

The plumbing in Dad's kitchen and bathroom has always had issues. A couple years ago Jim put in another tub because of all the leaking. Paul did some repair on his kitchen pipes a couple weeks ago. By the way, Paul, that seems to have taken care of that leak. Earlier this week, the bathroom sprung a leak again. Chuck put in a new faucet, and that has stopped things for now. There is a lot of water damage in the bathroom wallboard and the cabinet. We're looking that over and deciding what to do next. So far, Dad seems okay with having the repairs done, although he does not deal well with change.

Update - June 26

Kay and Dad were at McDonalds having coffee a couple days ago. Dad looked over at a nearby table and noticed an older man sitting by himself. He told Kay that he was glad he wasn't that man all alone. Yesterday, Pat took Dad to McDonald's after his doctor appointment. They were both looking out the window, and Dad said, "This is so much fun."

Update - June 20

Dad fell yesterday evening when he got up from his chair. When I came over he told me he thought he had broken his hip at first. But everything is working okay, and he is just sore. I could tell by the way he was sitting later that he was favoring the other hip. I got out his Ben Gay and he said that did the trick. Kay did say he was more sore than usual today when getting in and out of the car.

Update - June 17

Dad's day is usually pretty routine. Some things I do for him and other things Kay does. Last week, Kay went to Coloma to stay the night with Kimi. Usually she takes Dad for a ride to one of his usual "hangouts".......Meijer, McDonald's, church. I told him that I could take him to McDonalds that day. His response was.....how long until Kay will be home. Once he was resolved to the idea that I was who he was "stuck with" ........he asked if I was going to know how to do things the way Kay does. :)

Yesterday, he was especially confused. After his usual routine with me, Kay took him to McDonalds and he even stopped at WalMart for socks. After getting home he kept waiting for Pat, so she came over and visited for a couple hours. After she left in the afternoon, he decided he didn't have anything to eat at his house. So Kay again took him out shopping.

This morning, when they went to McDonald's, Dad told Kay that he waited and waited for Pat yesterday, and she never came. Kay reminded her about a painting project Ruth did for him while they were over, but he had no memory. When I went over at noon to check on him today, he had a big pile of mail spread out all over the floor trying to figure out what to do with it. He has a yellow basket to put bills in for us to take care of, but he had forgotten. Writing a check is pretty challenging for him most of the time now. It took a while, but we got things organized. He was really grateful.

Update - June 12

Going to church daily has been a big part of Dad's routine for quite a long time. Our priest is gone for awhile, so there will only be Mass on the weekend. Kay and I weren't sure how he would handle that change of routine. So far, so good. But he is getting to be a regular these days at MacDonalds.

We have noticed the scab on Dad's ear has returned. The doctor has kept an eye on it since they predict it is cancer. Kay plans to move his next appointment up since he is next scheduled to see that doctor in August.

There are some signs that Dad is having a little more trouble with confusion. His sceduled time to watch for the mail at his window is 11:00 to 12:00. Once in a while he goes out to check the box if he thinks he might have missed the carrier. However, several times he has been going out to check for mail again closer to evening.

Dad does get bored at times during the day. He reads the newspaper and magazines. But he isn't able to read books. Even the 100 piece puzzles are too hard for him. Kay helps him read e-mails. He doesn't have many indoor interests that he can pursue. Maybe I will encourage him to write a letter to Opal.

Update - June 2

Kay, Jennifer, Gretchen, and I went down to Ohio for Caitlin's party on Saturday. Dad seemed very upset in the morning at the change of routine. But Jim came in the morning and Pat came after that. Dad enjoyed the company, although he wasn't positive afterwards exactly who was there. He was exhausted by the end of the day both from concern that Kay and I were gone and excitement over so much company.
Yesterday I stayed at school late finishing up reports. I think some of the worry from when we were gone Saturday returned. He has more trouble now with time, so I never really thought about Dad being aware that I was late. When I went in to see him about 10 min after getting home, he was still getting over the stress.
Somebody at school loaned me a book that was very helpful. Although it is fiction, it offers much insight into how dementia affects thinking. If anyone is looking for a book at the library this summer, you might want to consider reading Still Alice.

Update - May 6

Kay and I are excited that Pat has finished her semester. Last Friday, Kay was able to meet friends for lunch and go to VIP day at Riley and Kayden's school. Pat came and stayed with Dad. He kept telling me throughout the weekend what a wonderful visit they had.


We are hoping to plan a whole family get together this summer. Dad does better with smaller groups of visitors. But I'd like to set up some tables and activities in the yard in front of Dad's house so that he can be outside or inside and feel like a part of things. I was going to check with Paul's family and Emily's family for the best part of summer (since they are farthest away). Any suggestions?

Kimi's baby is due in later June, so Kay will probably be helping out in Coloma for a while then. Hopefully I can handle taking over with Dad during that time.

Update - April 24

We continue to be concerned about the possibility of Dad driving. He seems to be aware most of the time that he is not suppose to drive. But he still thinks about it from time to time. Yesterday, Kay took him to 9:00 Mass, then they went to Meijer to pick up a few things. He also wanted to go to McDonalds, so she took him there. But when they got home and pulled in the driveway, Dad said "Why don't you leave the car out, I may go for a ride later." Kay reminded him that he is not supposed to drive, but he rationalized that the he thinks he has adjusted to the medication and not driving was just the doctor's idea anyway.
People always tell us to take away his car keys. But that is easier said than done. Each time he comes out of church, the store, etc., he unlocks the passenger side himself to get in. And Dad's car is a big part of his identity. We have thought about trying to get a key that would unlock the door but not start the ignition.
I just want to mention too how lucky we all are to have Kay helping Dad out. It's not an easy job and takes an enormous amount of patience.

Update - April 22

Kay was talking with one of the seniors at church recently who commented that she had nine children. She was telling Kay that when her one daughter calls, she tells her mom she is #4. That sounded like a great idea. The other evening Dad was asking me who that nice person is who helps him out so much during the day. I was telling him that it is Kay, but he still looked confused. I told him #4 (coincidence that it was the same #) of Dennis, Paul, etc. He got that right away. I did make him a list also with the names in order and put a star by Kay. I noticed he still keeps that card by his TV chair. Just a suggestion if Dad is unsure who you are at times.

Update - April 13

It's been a little over a year now since Dad has stopped driving.....for the most part. In addition to his forgetfulness/confusion and the pain medication that he takes, he dozes off easily at times. Kay, Pat, and I use to meet weekly to come up with a plan for the following week for getting Dad to church, doctor appointments, shopping, etc. Now that Pat is very busy with school and work, Kay handles much of the transportation. He rarely talks about driving now. On Friday (a day Dad was especially confused) Kay, Pat, and I had the, now rare, opportunity to meet for coffee at McDonalds. While both Kay and I were gone Dad decided to take a drive. We are not positive whether he forgot he doesn't drive or he thought it was his best opportunity while both Kay and I were gone. We are going to try harder to not be gone at the same time.

On Saturday, Dad went with me to take Easter cookies to some of the seniors from church. Kay was visiting Bobby in Indy, and I didn't want to leave him alone. I was amazed that he agreed to ride along. He had such a good time!

Last night when I went over to get Dad organized before bedtime, I reminded him that I was going back to school today because my spring break was over. He smiled and said, "I didn't know you started your spring break." :)

Update April 5, 2009

Dad had another doctor appointment this week. He had his nose looked at where he had previously had a sore. They had thought it might be cancer, but it appeared to have healed up. So he goes back in three months to have it checked again.

Dad's hardest days are Sundays. Since he goes to Mass on Saturday evenings and there is no mail delivery on Sunday, he doesn't have much to structure his day. I think that is the day that he most misses mom.

When he and Kay got back from church last Friday, he checked each of the rooms looking for Mom. Sometimes he gets a little confused between Mom and me.

Dad is still considering woodworking and was looking through a catalog that came the other day. He has talked about planting flowers in his little front yard area. A couple Sundays ago we got his bushes trimmed up and the old leaves cleared, etc. In May, we may plan a day to get his yard area ready for summer.

I'll try to post more frequently!

Dad's Doctors

I'm going to try to post regularly on this blog to help the family keep up on Dad's/Grandpa's life. It's hard to keep everyone up to date with so many of us in so many places. If anyone has ideas or expertise to offer, feel free to share it.

Over the last week, Dad (and Kay) have visited each of his three doctors. He saw Sandria at the VA in South Bend for a regular check up. She was concerned about an elevated level of one blood test. Dad has a sore on the end of his nose that she predicted was cancer, so she recommended he see his Buchanan doctor, Dr. Parke to have that removed. On Thursday, he saw Dr. Parke. He didn't seemed concerned about the results of the blood test and wants to wait a couple weeks to take another look at the spot on the nose. On Friday he had an appointment with his urologist, Dr. Bannow, for a shot that keeps his PSA # low.

Kay attended a Caregivers conference at Holy Cross College last week and found it to be helpful. She got to have lunch that day with one of her former bosses, who was a presenter. I stayed home from school to care for Dad that day.

Dad does best when he follows a routine. We have a dry erase board up in his living room which lists things he will want to remember for that day. His usual outings are going to Meijer, Dollar Store, MacDonald's, or Church. His favorite weekday shows are The Lone Ranger and Lassie. On Saturday evening he enjoys watching Lawrence Welk. There isn't much he can do outside anymore, but his plan is to try some woodworking again this summer. We are a little concerned about that thought.